It Shouldn’t Hurt To Tell A Lie!

VEN (WASHINGTON) — A furious Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) told colleagues after the SOTU address Tuesday night that he hadn’t been “fisted like that” since he was 13!

Surprisingly, Mr Schumer was not referring to the President’s remarks on immigration reform, historically low unemployment for Blacks and Hispanics, or his optimistic and aggressive America First agenda which was met with spontaneous chants of USA! USA! from the gallery.

Nor was he reacting to how Mr Trump managed to rebrand Mr Schumer and the Democrats as a marginalized group of un-American radicals, more concerned with the welfare of illegal immigrants than American citizens.

Instead, the Minority Leader was upset that the Black Congressional Caucus reneged on their end of a quid pro quo deal, frustrating his attempt to derail the SOTU.

“We had a f***ing deal!” Mr Schumer raged at colleagues.

“That f***ing  schwartza Lewis told us if we got the CBC a 10-year supply of Skittles, twenty cases of Red Bull,  AND got HIM personally —  a date with Lindsay Lohan (Jesus! I had to call Amy to set that up!), that they’d all stand up and  moon the president when that little cripple NOKO kid was introduced.

“That was the deal!

But they were f***ing drunk on their asses AGAIN and hallucinating AGAIN after huffing jenkem all afternoon,  and so when the time came and the little cripple was introduced,  they just sat there frozen starting off into space like a bunch of f^^^ing  goddamn useless cast-iron lawn jockeys!”

Developing . . . .