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VEN (WASHINGTON) — Hush Hush Magazine is reporting that a certain disheveled atavistic blonde congresswoman was seen leaving the Beltway Motor Inn early Friday morning, carrying her size 18 shoes and climbing into a limo with what looked like a large grey-haired short-tailed weasel with a huge oddly misshapen head wearing a dog collar.

Additionally, an anonymous congressional aide told VEN‘s Senior Political Graft and Corruption Correspondent, Billy Sol Estes, that a certain Man Who Would Be King (MWWBK) is — through intermediaries — offering several of of the 20 Republican holdouts “unlimited sex with an uninhibited Neanderthal” in exchange for their vote for Speaker of the House.

And if one holdout can deliver another holdout, the MWWBK promises that the libidinous cavewoman at his beck and call will start a fire in a state of partial undress by rubbing her shoes together!

“He’s desperate,” the aide explained. “And is pulling out all the stops.”

Developing . . . .