BREAKING — Clintons Deny Latest Dead Baby Stew Rumors!


VEN (NEW YORK) — In a shocking series of bizarre Tik-Tok videos, influencer and pneumatic E-Thot Messalina Y.O.R.E. Kandy Kane contends that former President and tertiary syphilitic Bill Clinton — along with his sometimes wife and dominatrix of choice Hillary — has been hosting dead baby stew pot luck dinners for over 20 years in their spacious BDSM medieval dungeon in the basement of their Chappaqua compound, which — among other gruesome oddities — features a blood-red ping-pong table that doubles as a satanic altar during the Clinton’s weekly Saturday night ritual human sacrifices which immediately follow the pot lucks.

Miss Kane — who is credited with the now famous inet catch phrases, Keep Scrolling If You’re Not an Older Man and Is This Bikini Too Small? What Do You Think? Let Me Know In The Comments — claims that she was tasked by former abusive, gender-fluid boyfriend Henry Kissinger with supplying him with an array of exotic phallic vegetables that he would bring to the pot lucks.

“Ewe! He like made me peel them.” Ms Kane complained to VEN‘s Senior Reels Correspondent Marshall McLuhan.

“And it was like so gross!! I was like dude, I so don’t want to do this! And he was like give me your hand, no the other hand! And I’m like dude before I do that again I think I really need like another red SL500 convertible!!”

Clinton spokesperson and former professional diabolist Marina Abramović dismissed Miss Kane’s assertions of orgies and satanic rituals featuring a dead baby stew as “utter nonsense,” explaining that even if the Clintons wanted to make a dead baby stew — which she doubts — it is now virtually impossible to get babies — dead or otherwise — since the international crackdown on Haitian orphanages.

“It would probably be easier for them to make a dead unicorn stew,” Miss Abramović added. “Assuming, of course, that they were so inclined.”

Developing . . . .