Lobbyists to Hannity — Get to Work Little Piggy the Boss Hog Has to Eat!

VEN (WASHINGTON) — Armed with MSNBC talking points, political piggy nerf ball enthusiast and self-proclaimed martial arts expert Sean Hannity — whose torrid affairs with Caitlyn Jenner and Carlos Danger made international headlines — came out swinging Wednesday night, attacking Congresswoman Lauern Boebert (R-CO) for refusing to vote for crypto Democrat and former Nimrata Rwanda consort, Kevin McCarthy, who — astonishingly — has lost six consecutive votes for Speaker of the House, and is teed up to lose the seventh when the House reconvenes on Thursday.

Mr Hannity — who is perhaps best remembered for withdrawing from both NYU and Adelphi universities after allegedly loitering in their men’s locker rooms dressed as Joan Fontaine — was relentless in his attack on Ms Boebert, at one point accusing her of potentially costing his super PAC friends “tens of millions of dollars by screwing around with the quid-pro-quo system we have in place and which clearly you and your 19 communist Putin-loving holdout friends clearly have no capacity to understand!”

Mr Hannity also reminded a combative Ms Boebert that despite his age he probably looks ten times better than she does in couture and 5-inch stiletto heels, “because at the end of the day, you’re just a clueless attention-seeking obstructionist who only wants to get her picture in the newspapers!

“And let me tell you something else. Hey, hey — it’s my show and I’m talking now, OK??

“I’m talking now! One thing you keep forgetting, Congresswoman, is that unlike you, I have NEVER worn earrings with a sweater! I have NEVER worn wool socks with a silk dress. And believe me, despite what you and your band of insurrectionists might believe, I make sure that when I bend over that my thong never rises above my waistline!

“I’m not sure that you or Matt Gaetz or Chip Roy — even on your best day — can say the same thing!”

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