VEN (Los Angeles) — On Tuesday, Wikileaks released a partial treatment for an edgy, all-black remake of the late 1950s sit-com Leave It To Beaver, which was purportedly written by fired FBI Director James Comey in collaboration with Robby Mook, Rachel Dolezal, Shaun King, and edited by longtime Hillary companion, Huma Abedin.
The short treatment (shown below) was among the many thousands of State Department emails that the FBI found on Ms Abedin’s disgraced former congressman husband Anthony Weiner’s laptop, and may have contributed to Mr Comey’s firing by the President, Tuesday.
As one anonymous source told VEN’s senior political correspondent Dirk Diggler, “It looks as if Mr Comey was using taxpayer dollars to launch a career as a screenwriter, while cynically positioning his “treatments” (there were several, actually) as attempts to reach out to and empower the black community.
“Frankly, they do just the opposite.”
Pilot: Wazzup Dawg? Lavarious tries to steal Beaver’s illegal marijuana stash, and their ensuing struggls annoys Mrs Cleaver, who eventually calls the FBI.
NOTE: Shaun — Lavarious is racist. We should stick with the name Eddie, and Mrs Cleaver should be white.
NOTE: Ms Dolezal — if Mrs Cleaver is white, she should self-identify as a black woman.
NOTE: Robby Mook — Jim, do black people really talk like this? Shaun says he has no idea.
NOTE: James Comey — I’m going to recuse myself and say I never saw any of this, lol.
NOTE: Huma Abedin — Should the title read, “What’s Going On?” which would create amazing synergy with the Marvin Gaye song if we wanted to use that as the series theme song! HRC would like that! Barry Gordy is a close friend/foundation contributor! Hey, maybe series should be called “Barry Gordy’s What’s Going On”? Your thoughts?
NOTE: Shaun King — Ward should be renamed Lavarious and he should be in prison for holding a small amount of crack. Fred Rutherford only gets probation for dealing cocaine. Maybe a spinoff?
NOTE: Ms Dolezal — The character “Whitey” should be changed to “Cracker-ass motherf***er. Then, as a recurring gag, Eddie could keep sneaking up on him and knocking him out from behind when he’s not looking!
NOTE: James Comey — To Huma’s point, I just had Susan Rice and Loretta Lynch look this over. They’re fine with it. Not racist at all. And Robby, yes black people apparently all talk like this in private, so we’re OK.
NOTE: Huma Abedin — As long as it’s not tasteless — and sounds like everyone agrees that it’s not — HRC is fine with it! Let’s do this!
Setting: The Cleaver kitchen
Characters: Eddie, Beaver, Mrs Cleaver
–Lissen, Eddie, doan you be f***in’ wid me, aight? Ima get Wally kick yow skinny azz.
–Hey, y’all l’tl Beaver punk-azz bitch! ( pulls out gun ) I will smoke yow dumb black azz righ now! Gimme dat weed!
(As they tussle, Mrs Cleaver enters the room. NOTE: Shaun — is “tussle” the right word?)
–Damn! Whuch y’all dumb azz f^^kin wid now?! Y’all need to shut the f^^k up! Ni^^a caint hear what da QVC bitch be sayin! (NOTE: All — Which do you prefer the caret sign or the asterisk?)
–Yo, Miz Cleaver! I wuz jess showin’ Theodore mah new tat and we got to scrufflin. Izz Wallace ‘round?
–Wally in his crib, Eddie. Beaver, I tole you. Do not smoke weed inna house! An — Whah da fuh — Eddie is yu strapped? Ni**a, y’all jess get back frummah 18 month inna joint! Wazt wrong witch you?
–Is Lump’s 9, Miz Cleaver. Ebathin’s cool! I jess hodin’ fow ‘im. (NOTE: Blacks still shoot each other with 9mm’s, right? Jim? Shaun?)
–Damn, Eddie! Ima call the muthafu**in FBI right now on yow dumb azz!
NOTE: Do we want an Efrem Zimbalest-esque voice over here (maybe Morgan Freeman?) encouraging everyone to call the FBI when they “see something”? Jim, probably your call. And re Robby’s concerns about verisimilitude, should Eddie shoot Mrs Cleaver several times, and then run away?
VERY ERSATZ NEWS 