My Funny Valentine — Out Of The Closet With Cory Booker

VEN (WASHINGTON)VEN‘s Senior Washington Correspondent Chuck Tatum caught up with beleaguered Senator Corey Booker (D-NJ) Wednesday, outside his campaign headquarters at the Gender-Neutral Mens Room in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building.

What follows is a part one of Tatum’s On The Fly interview:

VEN — Senator Booker?

Corey Booker — If this is about the petting zoo allegations, I have nothing to say at this time.

VEN — Well, actually, Senator, this is about the anonymous allegation that you assaulted a young gay man in a bathroom demanding sex.

CB — That was T-Bone.  T-Bone did that.

VEN — Your imaginary friend?

CB — Look, I have no recollection of that incident.  I was under a doctor’s care for stress during that time and was taking high doses of Ambien to help me sleep —  and NOT crack cocaine as reported in the alt-right media.

The side effects caused me to do all sorts of things I don’t remember, like going to gay bars, dressing up in motorcycle leather, and spending a lot of time at Pitchers and Catchers in Dupont Circle.

VEN — And demanding sex from a stranger in a mens room?

CB — I’m fairly certain I was in Key West at that time.

But I have no recollection of that event.

Or running for Governor of Newark.  I also have no recollection of ever having been governor, and was actually living in New York City at the time.  In fact, I’m not even sure I could find Newark on a map!

Look, I wouldn’t even know where New Jersey is, if I hadn’t binge-watched The Sopranos.

VEN — Senator — I can’t help noticing.  Are you holding bomb making equipment in your hand, and a self-addressed stamped manila envelope?

Kamala Harris (left) and Corey Booker in costume as the Tsarnaev brothers.

CB — What?  This stuff?  It’s not real.  It’s a prop.  It’s part of my Halloween costume.  I’m dressing up as Tamerlan Tsarnaev,  and my senate gff Kamala Harris is gonna be his brother, Dzhokar.

Look — the timer isn’t even real!  Do you think I would actually email myself a fake bomb?  Why would anyone do that?  Especially 14 days before the midterm elections?  That’s just crazy!

Developing . . . .