VEN (SACRAMENTO) — After spending in excess of 25 billion USD a year on benefits for its illegal immigrant replacement population — not counting the untold millions spent on law enforcement and fighting the massive wildfires started by “undocumented citizens”  — California no longer has enough money to fund its state pensions.

Envisioning inevitable cuts to the current pension program, Gobernador Geraldito Marrón, called on California’s public employees Wednesday to consider signing up for multi-tiered marketing programs like Amway and Avon to supplement their soon-to-be much-less-than-expected pensions.

“Amigos!  Who would want a full pension at the expense of our replacement population when you could be a regional manager for Arbonne or drive a brand new pink Cadillac from Mary Kay!

“The Estado de California (State of California) will be your first customer, buying up to 1930.00 PESOS (100.00 USD) of whatever product offerings you choose to sell to us  to get you started on the road to complete financial independence!

“This offer will not last!  So please, call our helpline now at 1.888.PENSIÓN to get started on your new tomorrow!

“Don’t delay!  Operators are standing by! (Presione uno para continuar en inglés).”