VEN (HOUSTON) — Thrilled that they were able to find the last voice-activated Robot DeNiro action figure at Toys ‘R Us just before Christmas, William and Kelly Long’s excitement soon turned to shock and then to anger and dismay as the action figure’s violent, expletive-laden tirades terrified them and their 5-year-old-son Nathan.
“When my husband gave Robot DeNiro a voice command, he rolled over to my him, stopped, and began taunting him (You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin’ to? You talkin’ to me? Well, heh heh, I’m the only one here!).
“At first we thought it was funny, but then Robot DeNiro backed up and rolled into Nathan, bumping him pretty hard, and called him a F***ing cry-baby MAGA jerkov, before swiveling towards me and asking me if I was ready for a real man!
“We were stunned!
“Later, when my son inadvertently knocked him over, Robot DiNero told him if he did that again, he’d get two in the back of the head, called him a dumb mutherf***ing clumsy MAGA-voting son-of-a-bitch! and tried to punch him!
“So we turned him off and called Mattel.
“While we were on hold even though we thought we had turned him off, Robot DeNiro apparently heard someone on MSNBC mention President Trump’s name.
“He lit up, began waving his arms, smoke started coming out of his ears, and he started screaming, He’s a punk, he’s a dog, he’s a pig, he’s a con, a bullshit artist, a mutt who doesn’t know what he’s talking about, doesn’t do his homework, doesn’t care, thinks he’s gaming society, doesn’t pay his taxes. He can just go F*** himself! He talks about how he wants to punch people in the face? Well, I’d like to punch HIM in the face, that f***ing jerkov!”
A Mattel representative told VEN Wednesday that apparently a prototype model, programmed by one of their many Antifa-affiliated software engineers and intended as a special gift for Kamala Harris, had somehow shipped by mistake, and that they were doing everything they could to rectify the problem.
Developing . . . .