VEN (BERLIN) — CNN Politics Reporter and Editor-at-Large Chris Cillizza is reporting that the real reason Ivanka Trump stepped in for her father at the G20 bilateral summit Saturday, was that President Trump and a small entourage slipped past reporters to meet privately with Adolf Hitler in a special suit of rooms reserved for the Führer in the Hamburg Messe.
According to Cillizza, not even German Chancellor Angela Merkel was aware of the Führer’s presence at the summit, as great care had been taken to conceal his presence in Hamburg, after he was flown into Germany under cover of darkness late Friday night aboard a special charter flight arranged by Vatican Airlines.
The meeting lasted over two hours.
According to anonymous sources present at the meeting, the Führer was surprised at how tall President Trump was, having only seen him “a few times” on TV.
The two men discussed a wide range of topics, including the threat that CNN and MSNBC posed to Mr Trump’s secret plan for world domination, whether so-called moderate Muslims could be trusted as golf caddies (the Führer said no, citing the Reich’s difficulties in Iran during the second World War), and the future of Celebrity Apprentice after what the Führer referred to as that “laughable Austrian untermenschen schweinhund” destroyed the show’s ratings in the 2016-2017 season.
The Führer, a big fan of the show, intimated that he might be available to host should NBC be unable to find the appropriate replacement for Schwarzenegger.
Mr Trump said he would make sure that NBC was aware of the Führer’s interest, and thought he would be “fantastic” and “do a GREAT job!”
Finally, the Führer and President Trump exchanged autographed copies of their books, Mein Kampf and The Art of the Deal, respectively, and agreed to meet in the Fall either at Mar-a-Lago or the Führer’s private residence somewhere in the vast, uncharted jungles of Paraguay, which — the Führer joked — would no doubt become another alt-right Twitter meme to drive Progressives crazy.