BREAKING! No More Nixons! House Passes Friends of Dems Bill!

VEN (WASHINGTON) — As a largely symbolic gesture, the House of Representatives passed HRC-187 late Thursday, mostly along party lines (243-191), with seven Republicans voting with the Democrats.

The controversial bill stipulates that only a Republican presidential candidate that Democrats like can become President of the United States.

“This is a great day for America,” Speaker of the House pro tem Stacey Abrams told reporters from her VIP booth at the Anacostia International House of Pancakes.

“I’m so happy, I could eat me a deep fried brontosaurus!” the former Activia spokesperson beamed. “An after I finish up here, Ima haff myself three dem Grand Slam breffasts at Denny’s!”

Initially viewed as feel good legislation to bolster the Democrat base ahead of the 2020 election, the so-called Friends of Dems bill is gaining traction in the Senate among left-leaning uniparty Republicans.

“If we’d had a bill like this in 2016, Hillary — who should have been elected — would have been elected, instead of the current morally bankrupt gangster we have in the White House now,” a smiling Mitt Romney (R-UT) told Late Night host Seth Myers Thursday.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) — who stands to lose tens of millions of dollars as a result of the Trump administration’s get-tough trade policy with China — echoed Mr Romney’s concerns.

“It’s always better when we can all get along,” McConnell explained to reporters during a joint press conference with co-founder and executive chair of Alibaba Group, Jack Ma.

“Americans value good manners,” Mr Ma added. “Same as Chinese! Mitch and Elaine — we love you long time!

“It would be great if we could have a president like a Mitt Romney or a Jeff Flake who understands the importance of China dominating American markets.

“So it is my hope that with the right Republican president in 2020 — or China’s good friend, Joe Biden — that Mitch, Elaine, and I can quickly resume our great success journey!”

Developing . . . .