BREAKING! Veteran Sex Worker Kamala Harris Claims Multiplication Tables Racist!

VEN (SAN FRANCISCO) — Former Senior Democrat Courtesan and Willie Brown mistress Kamala Harris (D-CA), held a press conference Thursday where she insisted that not only isn’t the estimated 16 trillion dollars spent on the black community since 1964 a substitute for reparations, but more important the “white man’s racist multiplication tables are just another way to keep people of color down!”

Not knowing that 8*7 = 56 may keep this woman out of Harvard or the University of Illinois!

Ms Harris went on to explain that even as an affirmative-action graduate of the Hastings School of Law, she still struggles with multipliers over 5.

“You ask me what 6*7 is?  Why would you ask me that?  Why would any person of color need or be expected to know that?  Who cares that it’s 38??  Especially when you’re a single mother struggling to get by and worrying every day that our fascist president is going to send his storm troopers to put your child in a cage and deport you back to Africa!

Frustration over inability to memorize racist multiplication tables may lead to life of crime, experts claim.

“And let me tell you something else — reading and writing (the supposed triumph of the white man) is highly overrated!  I can’t read.  And I’m a lawyer!  And my mother worked two jobs as a maid cleaning toilets so I could go to private schools!

“Readin’ writin’ rithmatic’ ain’t never helped nobody but the white man!  An he RUININ’ the planet!  An destroyin’ the black man’s way of life!”

Editor’s Note: Ms Harris’s mother –originally from India — has a PhD from Berkeley in nutrition and endocrinology, and worked as a breast cancer researcher at University of Illinois and University of Wisconsin. She also worked for 16 years at Lady Davis Institute for Medical Research and McGill University Faculty of Medicine.

VEN could find no evidence that Ms Harris’s mother ever worked as a maid. In fact our research suggests that the closest anyone in the Harris family ever got to being a domestic was during Willie Brown’s mayoral inaugural celebration in 1995 when Ms Harris herself was seen entering Mr Brown’s private suite at the St Francis hotel dressed provocatively as a very  slutty French Maid.

Developing . . . .