VEN (ATLANTA) — CNN’s fake conservative plus-sized frequently-outraged, overbearing, seemingly brain-dead, Latina pretend political analyst Ana Navarro short-circuited on live TV Friday, when her motherboard overheated under the studio lights.
Boston Dynamics — now a division of Google X , a subsidiary of Alphabet Inc — initially denied rumors that Ms Navarro was a Version 2.0 advanced Ratchet prototype designed with UX help from zaftig fashion consultant Lane Bryant, but when the damaged Ms Navarro walked through several walls and then picked up a Cadillac Escalade in front of the CNN studios in Atlanta, they were forced to admit that she was in fact the product of their R&D lab in Cambridge.
“The problem,” an anonymous senior program manager who worked on the top-secret Ratchet project told VEN, “is that we rushed her out, knowing that the heat sinks were inadequate.
“The customer wanted 20X strength and asked for limited AI, so we used an old PDP-11 chipset for AI computes, which made her look stupid, at times incomprehensible, and mostly just behave like a royal pain in the ass, which I guess is what they wanted.”
Google spokesperson Maximillian “Max” Cohen told reporters Saturday that there was no truth to the rumors that the Navarro droid was designed initially as a hefty sex robot with superhuman strength.
“Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, zero sex appeal was a minimum ship requirement, which is why we brought in Lane Bryant.
“We were initially looking to develop a robotic version of Lenny from Of Mice and Men, but that changed when we were funded by DARPA to work with CNN after they chose our design over the Roomba guys at iRobot.”
Developing . . . .