VEN (HOLLYWOOD) — In yet another unexpected triumph for white-hot maninstream media darling Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, the self-proclaimed Westchester County Chavista-socialista prevailed over a field of 25 million mostly equine contestants to snag first place in the CBS-sponsored international Mr Ed Look-alike contest!
“As a cis-gendered human being, I am humbled by this award,” the uncharacteristically contrite Boston University Haitian Voodoo Economics major told reporters Saturday, while munching on an organic carrot outside the Eastern Market on Capital Hill, as her purse-carrying boyfriend Riley Roberts sipped a frothy creme de femme double soy pink latte and brandished what appeared to be a fresh henna tattoo on the inside of his left wrist of his new — and some say controversial — congressional email address.
“As honored as I am,” Ms Cortez continued, “I think that we all need to realize that horses will be the Range Rovers of the 21st century! They will carry us on their backs in a cooperative effort of mutual reciprocity and respect across oceans and seas, lakes, rivers, and streams — and yes someday in the not-too-distant future — once we have made the 1% pay their fair share and rebuilt all the buildings on Earth — to the Moon, the stars, and yes! . . . . even to the distant galaxies and beyond!”
Meanwhile 2600 miles away in Palos Verdes Estates a sanguine Mr Ed told reporters he had no animosity towards the judges for selecting Ms Cortez over him.
“She really does look more like me than I do,” the former Hollywood star conceded. “And she sleeps standing up. So, sure, she deserved it. I’m glad she won!”
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