VEN (Stockholm) — Professor of History at Gävle University College, Dr Karin Block, has created a sensation with her new book Sweden And Islam — The Forgotten History, in which she contends that the Scandinavian country’s ties to Islam go back at least as far as the 11th century during the so-called Age of the Vikings.
“Marcus D’Urambie, a recent immigrant from Ghana,” Dr Block explained to reporters Monday, “found a strange package in the bottom of a Norwegian fjord wrapped in sheepskin and sealed with beeswax with an Islamic inscription burned into the velum that read Erik Of Kandahar.
“Mr D’Urambie then sold the object on E-bay for 200 Euros to a collector in Amsterdam, a certain Dr Ketamine of Albania.
“But before Dr Ketamine could take delivery of the object, Mr D’Urambie was detained by Swedish authorities after copiously evacuating his bowels on the sacred altar of Kalmar Cathedral during High Mass and writing DEATH TO THE INFIDEL in his excrement on the lectern and the cathedral walls before attempting to rape a priest who tried to restrain him.
“After he was taken into custody and fined, Mr D’Urambie’s flat was searched, his possessions seized, and that’s when the dingus as you call it made its way to Gävle University College and finally to me.”
According to Ms Block, the lost saga details the Norsemen’s frantic search for a replacement population after Loki reveals in a terrifying oracle that they will die out sometime in the 21st century unless they Hitta Afganishtin!
“Consequently, when the Vikings set out on their voyages of discovery,” Ms Block explained, “they were not looking for new worlds to conquer, but were in fact desperately trying to find Afghanistan, so they could return with their ships laden with vibrant Muslims ready to reinvigorate their moribund autochthonic population!
“It ended in disaster, however, as they only discovered Iceland, Greenland, and Vineland (their word for North America), where — to their dismay — they found an inferior race of native inhabitants whom they called Skraelings, which is Norse for ‘Short-Annoying-Not-Followers-Of-Islam.’
“To those skeptics among you, may I remind you that these are facts, historical facts — not schoolbook history, not Mr. Wells’ history, but history, nevertheless.
“Whatever you might personally believe, the Erik of Kandahar Saga proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Sweden — since the 11th century — was destined to embrace Islam!
“As we say in Sweden, För Sverige – i tiden, which has never been more true than it is today, when now after hundreds of years — Praise Allah! — the prophecy of Loki is finally coming to fruition!”
Developing . . . .