VEN (CHICAGO) —  Three weeks after announcing that the official song of the soon-to-be under-construction Obama Presidential Library will be Dylan’s I’m Not There, Obama spokesman Kevin Lewis defended the decision not to make any hardcopy documents available in the Presidential library archives, as reported by FOX News Friday.

“What’s wrong with a digital archive?  The people complaining about no real documents being made available are the same people who contend that Mr Obama is not a citizen of the United States, has no verifiable birth certificate, was issued a Connecticut Social Security card, is married to a transgendered man-woman, is himself a closeted homosexual who hired a sex worker — Reggie Love — as his personal assistant,  never attended Columbia,  has an IQ of 87, was a well-below-average affirmative-action student at Harvard Law School whose tuition was paid for by the Saudi’s, and — because he was unable to conceive a child with his man/wife, bought his daughters from close friends Martin Nesbitt and his wife Dr. Anita Blanchard Nesbitt.

“Oh, and let’s not forget that people claim that radical anarchist Bill Ayers ghost wrote Dreams of My Father!

“I mean the whole thing is just ridiculous!  And that’s why — as President — Mr Obama had all of his records sealed.

“So why would he want hostile researchers pouring over the actual hardcopy documents of his Presidency?  He’d have to be CRAZY to do that!”