VEN (SEOUL) — The Most Radiant Splendiforous Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Supreme Leader reacted with anger Sunday, after learning that President Trump referred to him as “One Smart Cookie,” during an interview Saturday with CBS News’ chief Washington correspondent and host of Face the Nation, John Dickerson.
In North Korea, “Smart Cookie” is a derisive term associated with the slender, flamboyant, orange-haired cross-dressing dancing boys of “decadent” South Korea.
Cross-dressing — like being in possession of slide rules or deodorant in any form — is, under Kim Jong-un, a capital offense in the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.
“Of cross I roud dance fror Donral. I can’t stop thinkring abrout him! But why does he act so frucking stupid? I am not orange-haired smart cookie man girl! I am powrar fowrard! I make it happen! I sit at top of key!”
Ironically, instead of de-escalating the tensions between the two nations, President Trump inadvertently increased them, as The Majestic Supreme Indivisible Oneness Who Can Change The Course Of Mighty Rivers Sun of the Communist Future immediately ordered Pakistan to build him a special, Turbo-nuclear mini heat-seeking missile designed expressly to “fry rye up Donral’s ass! Ret’s see how he rike that! O, Donral! O, my Captran! Baby, why you treat me so brad?”