VEN (SAN FRANCISCO) — Over Irish Coffees at the Bueno Vista bar late Wednesday night, VEN‘s Senior Conspiracy Correspondent Sherman Skolnick met with a shy unassuming man in his mid 30’s who called himself Joseph Turner.
The meeting was arranged weeks in advance — although the venue frequently and unexpectedly changed, owing to Mr Turner’s belief that he was constantly under surveillance by what he called “those damn CHAOS guys” — to discuss what Mr Turner claimed was a shocking breakthrough that completely rewrites what we know about Charles Manson and his band of followers, collectively known as The Manson Family.
Mr Turner contends that a certain Mr Pink, sometimes referred to as Mr Paul and other times as Mary, was an investment banker or venture capitalist who owned a two thousand acre ranch in Topanga Canyon in the summer of 1969, where he raised rare and exotic gerbils and dwarf hamsters.
The ranch had the unusual name of Universe 26.
Aside from providing dwarf hamsters and the occasional gerbil to upscale floral shops and boutique travel agencies in West Hollywood and the Castro District, Mr Pink was also rumored to have been the mastermind behind a world-wide illicit drug trade specializing in MDA-laced amyl nitrite, which brought him to the attention of Jay Sebring and Wojciech Frykowski, who — along with Pic Dawson and Billy Doyle — were allegedly working to corner the MDA market in Southern California.
Then things took a strange turn.
According to Mr Turner, at some point Mr Pink became enamored of Manson follower Bobby Beausoliel, lead guitarist for The Grass Roots, and even taught himself how to play the tambourine in the vain hope of performing with the band.
He was also rumored to have been the roommate and possible lover of Gary Hinman, and to have provided at least 20 dwarf hamsters every month to talent manager Rudy Altobeli, an obscure group of blond sybarites known as The Golden Penetrators, and the outwardly jolly though inwardly troubled zaftig singer Mama Cass Elliot, but these rumors have yet to be substantiated.
Additionally, Mr Turner contends that Mr Pink told several of his closest friends — including choreographers Gower Champion and Hermes Pan — that his dwarf hamsters were the inspiration for the Beach Boy’s hit Good Vibrations, but this claim is highly questionable, since the timelines are off by several years — Good Vibrations was released in 1966 and there is no record of a dwarf hamster ranch or a gerbil ranch of any kind in the The Office of the Assessor for Los Angeles County prior to October, 1968.
Similar claims that Mr Pink provided dwarf hamsters or exotic gerbils to Manson defense attorney Ronald Hughes and that Mr Hughes subsequently fell to his death or drowned near Sespe Hot Springs in Ventura County attempting to retrieve one such tiny rodent that had slipped through his grasp are impossible to verify.
But another claim made by Mr Turner — albeit no less difficult to verify — is — despite its questionable nature — extraordinarily compelling none-the-less.
As many researchers know, devastated by her unrequited love for Che Guevara (discussed here), a heartbroken future Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) — much to the chagrin of her family — spent the next several years after graduating from Trinity College drifting between San Francisco and Los Angeles “trying to find herself”, until finally — during the summer of 1969 — she ended up briefly living at the Spahn Ranch with her good friend Deirdre Lansbury, the daughter of actress Angela Lansbury.
It was there that she met and fell in love with ranch hand Donald “Shorty” Shea (My one true Abelard!), until one day in mid July, 1969 — during a protracted dumpster dive behind Bob’s Big Boy Jr in Santa Monica — she was kidnapped by federal agents posing as organized crime associates and returned to her husband in San Francisco.
From that point, the trail goes cold, and researchers believe that her association with Mr Manson, The Family, and star-crossed lover Shorty Shea ended.
But did it really end?
Mr Turner suggests otherwise.
According to Mr Turner, during the so-called January 6th insurrection at the US Capital, one right-wing extremist who was arrested and later sentenced to 200 years in prison (perhaps to silence him), had stolen a stuffed and mounted dwarf hamster from Ms Pelosi’s desk, unaware of its totemic significance.
Additionally, Mr Turner’s sources in the SFPD allegedly told him that self-described moonchild David DePape may have talked his way into the Pelosi residence in San Francisco as part of a gay assignation in an attempt to steal that very same stuffed hamster on orders from the late Anton LaVey’s Church of Satan, and that it was that stuffed dwarf hamster and not a hammer that Mr DePape grabbed from a disoriented and pantless Mr Pelosi and begin beating him with it while intoning incantations from The Book of Sacred Magic of Abramelin the Mage as if in a trance.
Indeed, according to Mr Turner, the stuffed dwarf hamster is as much a Manson Rosetta Stone as Mr Pink himself, having a teeny tiny swastika drawn on its tiny head and a tiny brass plaque with an eerie inscription in teeny tiny type which — as Mr Turner explained to VEN — “although dismissed as a hoax by the mainstream media, is real to me in my reality”.
The inscription reads: Never Learn Not To Love, You Little Healter Skeltered Political Piggy! Ha Ha, Just Kidding! Don’t Ever Change! With Mucho Never Not Love, Señor Rosa.
Not surprisingly, despite numerous FOIA requests, no photographs of the stuffed dwarf hamster have yet to be released by the Capital Police or SFPD, who are contending that no such object exists and was never in their possession.
Regardless, Mr Turner swears that the stuffed dwarf hamster with the strange inscription exists, and furthermore wholeheartedly believes that David DePape is in fact either an alchemical homunculus or the puer aeternus love child of Ms Pelosi, Mr Pink (aka Señor Rosa), and Shorty Shea, who was conceived during an orgiastic ritual known as Babylon Working which took place under the auspices of Jack Parsons and L Ron Hubbard in an undisclosed location in Benedict Canyon over four consecutive nights in June, 1969.
“This was a CIA operation from start to finish,” Mr Turner explained.
“Bottom line — Mr Pink is still very much alive, and the psyop that began at Terminal Island with Harold True and Charles Manson in March, 1967 is still ongoing.
“As Richard Nagell would say, are you nash? Because the only question that remains is who will write the final chapter.”
Developing . . . .
UPDATE: After reading this article, an associate of Mr Turner contacted VEN, explaining that Mr Pink’s dwarf hamsters had nothing to do with the Beach Boys song Good Vibrations, as we had suspected, but were in fact the inspiration for the 1972 homoerotic ballad Ben, written and sung by Michael Jackson, expressing his love and admiration for a charismatic Norwegian brown rat who had become Mr Jackson’s best friend.
Their relationship was eventually made into a movie.
Whether or not the movie character Ben was based on Charles Manson, and Ben’s fiercely devoted rat pack on the so-called Manson Family is unclear.
However, the Editors would like to point out that in 1976, a television series debuted curiously entitled Charlie’s Angels, where Charlie is never seen but gives assignments to three attractive women who are told to do whatever their controller Jon Bosley tells them to do.
The parallels to prosecutor Vincent Bugliosi’s Helter Skelter theory involving a Svengali-like Charles Manson, a compliant Tex Watson, and mindless Manson Girl automatons are difficult to ignore.
VERY ERSATZ NEWS 