VEN (WASHINGTON) — Janet Napolitano, General Manger and co-owner of the Oakland Gertrude Steins women’s fast pitch softball franchise announced Sunday that  Biden Climate Chief Gina McCarthy will be replacing Charlie Weis as manager, after the team finished another disappointing 6-50 season, losing their last 40 games down the stretch.

“We hope Gina will bring that much needed spark to get the girls focused on softball again instead of  spending all of their time and energy travelling to Portland to protest against white racist xenophobic MAGA Republican extremists —  who, aside from being a bunch of white supremacist Ukraine-hating fascists — have no real understanding of fast pitch softball, and are intent upon destroying our democracy.”

Mr Weis, who compiled an 18-150 record in his three years managing the team, is rumored to be in negotiations with Loreal Cosmetics as the face of their new butch depilatory offering, Grizzly Bare.

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