VEN (CAPE CANAVERAL) — After being released from the Atlanta Youth Detention Center in late August, aspiring rapper D’eVonte Javarious Biggens — known professionally as T.H.E Notorious Bad Azz Mack Daddy Moon — boosted a late model SUV in Fulton County and headed south with friends to witness the launch of the Artemis moon rocket, only to discover that fuel leaks and other unspecified problems have delayed the launch, perhaps indefinitely.
“Thing is,” Mr Biggens explained to VEN‘s Senior Equity Correspondent Kwame Kilpatrick, “I had the song ready to go. Sent a demo to Kanye. Now looks like best I can hope for is low Earth orbit. Damn! Ain’t no black man ever gettin’ to the moon!”
His song, Shut the f*** up bitch! I can see yow lyin’ bitch ass face from the Oceanus Procellarum! had just started getting air time on hip hop stations in Atlanta, and Mr Biggens was hoping for a record deal with one of the top labels.
“Look! Got on my lucky Van Allen belt. 24 carat gold, diamond chips. Now what?”
Now what indeed.
Congressman Hank Johnson (D-GA) says he is not surprised, and believes that President Trump and racist MAGA Republican insurrectionists have intentionally blocked “blackstronauts” like Mr Biggens from ever getting to the Moon.
Mr Johnson — joined by the entire Black Congressional Caucus — is calling for a formal Congressional investigation into the racist tampering and sabotage of the Artemis rocket program by subversive white-supremacist groups like the Loyal Order of Moose, the Daughters of the American Revolution, the surviving members of the original Mickey Mouse Club, and Lincoln Log Republicans.
“These right wing extremists want the Moon to be just for white folks. Mars, too! And I’m pretty sure they feel the same way about Jupiter.
“When I was a young man best I could hope for was a job as a Red Cap on one of them Apollo rockets. After Civil Rights, I thought we were beyond all that. But now, I’m sad to say, looks like everything old is new again!”
As for Mr Biggens, while discouraged he’s trying to look on the bright side.
“If I can’t get there, I can still rap about it. Sometimes y’all just have to take what you can get. Like, for example, that gold watch you got on! Hahaha, I’m jess playin’. But if I was you, I’d put down the microphone and hand over the watch and the keys to that Escalade!”
Developing . . . .