Biden Silences Critics By Winning First-Ever Issurnanashinal Spelling Bee!

VEN (WASHINGTON) — In a shocking upset Wednesday,  US President Joseph Biden,  held on to vanquish a field of 30 adolescent spelling bee champions from around the world by correctly spelling NEXNELSRENT defined by moderator Karine Jean-Pierre as it’s not hypothetical and TRUINDERDASHDUBBADAPRESHER, a portmanteau word of uncertain meaning coined by Mr Biden himself during a campaign stop in Pennsylvania in 2020.

“I was a little surprised by the TRUINDER, by the DERDASH — excuse me, the DERPRESH — the PRESH (laughs). That’s a pretty big word! But you know  growing up  poor in a working class African American Irish family in Scranton (the other darkies if you gave them a penny would cornrow your hair and they called us the Black Irish and boy I mean could they play basketball  whenever, you know, whenever they weren’t out holding up liquor stores or stealing hubcaps!)

President Biden consoles first-runner up.

“But to answer your question — I’ve usually done very well with little girls, number one.  And number two, like President Harris, I used to practice spelling for years with my daughter.  In the shower. On the train occasionally. Chinese words, sometimes.  And she.  I mean, she was a . . . .

“Anyway, did I tell you about those pickaninnies  jumping rope!  Double dutch!  In the dark!  That’s when I knew we’d have a colored president someday!  Like the guy I worked for, Brunocka Banacek.  And I told him, hey you might be my rabbi, but I sure as hell don’t want people like you living in my neighborhood!  And just like that (snaps his fingers),  they stopped the investigation!”

Developing . . . .