VEN (WASHINGTON) — In a shocking upset Wednesday, US President Joseph Biden, held on to vanquish a field of 30 adolescent spelling bee champions from around the world by correctly spelling NEXNELSRENT defined by moderator Karine Jean-Pierre as it’s not hypothetical and TRUINDERDASHDUBBADAPRESHER, a portmanteau word of uncertain meaning coined by Mr Biden himself during a campaign stop in Pennsylvania in 2020.
“I was a little surprised by the TRUINDER, by the DERDASH — excuse me, the DERPRESH — the PRESH (laughs). That’s a pretty big word! But you know growing up poor in a working class African American Irish family in Scranton (the other darkies if you gave them a penny would cornrow your hair and they called us the Black Irish and boy I mean could they play basketball whenever, you know, whenever they weren’t out holding up liquor stores or stealing hubcaps!)
“But to answer your question — I’ve usually done very well with little girls, number one. And number two, like President Harris, I used to practice spelling for years with my daughter. In the shower. On the train occasionally. Chinese words, sometimes. And she. I mean, she was a . . . .
“Anyway, did I tell you about those pickaninnies jumping rope! Double dutch! In the dark! That’s when I knew we’d have a colored president someday! Like the guy I worked for, Brunocka Banacek. And I told him, hey you might be my rabbi, but I sure as hell don’t want people like you living in my neighborhood! And just like that (snaps his fingers), they stopped the investigation!”
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