If I Don’t See Her Each Day, I Miss Her. Gee What a Thrill, Each Time I Kiss Her — The Many Loves of Paul Pelosi!

VEN (SAN FRANCISCO) — According to VEN‘s Senior Political Correspondent Joseph Frady, in a partial report filed Saturday evening with VEN managing editor Bill Rintels, there is apparently much more to the strange incident involving Nancy Pelosi’s (D-CA) husband alleged arrest for drunk driving near the Pelosi family’s taxpayer-funded vineyard in Napa Valley over the Memorial Day weekend than meets the eye.

sheep lipstick
Miss Yulkavitch, whose bee-stung lips and sultry bedroom eyes, allegedly stole Paul Pelosi’s heart away.

Mr Frady contends that it is an open secret among movers and shakers in Northern California that Mr Pelosi has been carrying on a decades-long affair with former Ukranian model and 1990 Miss Kiev, Oksana Yulkavitch, which the Speaker of the House tolerates because her husband keeps her many taxpayer-funded SubZero refrigerators stocked with tens of thousands of dollars’ worth of Talenti gelato and Tito’s “Special Edition Speaker of the House” Vodka Pops laced with Demerol and Ketamine, a Pelosi favorite.

Mrs Pelosi’s House Boy — partially-illegal immigrant and former Chinese National, Wo Fat, the only Pelosi domestic trusted enough to replace the Speaker’s sawdust stuffing when it falls out — confirms that Mr Pelosi “can no live without Oksana.  He tell me many time, Wo someday when hag gone, you, me, Oksana go back China.  Live large 88 longtime!”

Mrs Pelosi currently starring in Bōdō no furi o suru! to mixed reviews.

As VEN‘s Frady reports, on the night in question, Mr Pelosi was not returning from a dinner with friends as earlier reported, but from a wild party at Nuestros Amiguitos, where he is a frequent visitor when Mrs Pelosi is in Washington performing the role of Katakiyaku in several of the Kabuki Theatre productions she has become so famous for over the years.

There was no accident.

As Leo Carrillo the owner of Nuestros Amiguitos explained to VEN:

“Señor Pelosi, he got a call from Governor Newsome and took off for home rapido, but in his haste he left with four of the girls.  And Oksana!

“I rushed after him in my jeep, honking at him, but once again as is often the case with Mr Paul, he had far too much Molly — he always says it’s the only thing that keeps him from killing himself every time he thinks of his wife —  and so between that and the opiated hash, he was laser-focused on the girls.  The only thing I could do was drive into the back of his Porsche to stop him!

“Everything would have been fine, but who pulled up at the intersection as I was loading the girls into my jeep but a Napa Valley squad car while Mr Paul was having a huge fight with Oksana.

“She bit him on the hand, and when he tried to grab her by the throat the police officers had to restrain him.  It was ugly.  After they got him in handcuffs, Oksana who can be a little crazy, she got this little smirk on her face, backed up and BAM! butted him hard in the back, knocking him down and breaking his glasses. Que va! What can I tell you? It was ugly!”

Developing . . . .