VEN (ROME) — VEN‘s Senior Catholic Mercurial Gadabout Correspondent Malachi Martin interrupted an exorcism on Ibiza Monday to return to the Vatican amidst rumors that Pope Francis — known to the faithful as Papa Rosso or simply El Comandante — is in the final stages of negotiations with MSNBC to star in his own show, Habemus Papam! which, Mr Martin reports, MSNBC Director of Programming (not that) Rashida Jones is calling “a very unique blend of political and religious commentary from a guy who literally ran one of the biggest churches in the world!”
Vatican spokesperson Cardinal Ignazio “The Consecrator” Silone denied that the Pope was retiring and moving to MSNBC, although he did allude to the possibility that the Pontiff — currently confined to a wheelchair after a protracted celebration of the liturgy on the Isle of Capri — may at some point in the future expand his role to include podcasts and possibly a blog.
“Hey, what can I tell you? He’s a chatty guy!”
As Mr Martin reports, this is not the first time His Holiness has been courted by the news and entertainment industry.
In 2015, after a photograph of the Pope appearing to leer at a former novitiate from the San Bernardo Convent of Discalced Carmelites went viral (a photograph the Vatican denounced as a forgery), Franics was approached by TELEMUNDO to costar with the same woman in a religious comedy variety hour entitled El Papa y La Puta, which not surprisingly was a non-starter for the Vatican.
Indeed, no stranger to controversy, Pope Francis recently raised eyebrows again when he stated in an interview with Teen Vogue that in his heart of hearts he considers himself a Presbyterian, and — much to his consternation — there is far too much emphasis on Christ in Christianity, something he’s been working very hard to correct.
“OK, sure — He was the son of God. No one’s denying that. But every day — Christ this and Christ that. Dios Mio! I mean it gets old after a while.”
Developing . . .