Ron Klain Out After Upbraiding Black WH Staffers Over Broken Ice Cream Machines!

VEN (WASHINGTON) — Future-former Biden Chief of Staff Ron Klain poured gasoline on the Blaxit fire Wednesday, in what one former black White House staffer referred to as an “insulting, tone deaf display of egregious racism that is all-too pervasive in this wildly dysfunctional administration.”

According to numerous anonymous sources, Mr Klain held a meeting with black staffers in the Situation Room late Wednesday afternoon, which those in attendance initially believed would be an attempt to get to the bottom of the growing dissatisfaction among black staffers who are quitting their jobs in ever-increasing and unprecedented numbers.Screen-Shot-2021-09-04-at-2.46.15-PM-1536x930

“But instead of reaching out to us and taking our concerns seriously,” former staffer Abdual Mohammad Shabazz told VEN‘s Senior Cultural Equity Correspondent Ben Caxton, “this descendant of slave traders and money changers accused us of breaking the goddamn White House ice cream machines!

“He said — and this is a quote — On the rare occasions when the president is actually in the White House and he wants a goddamn ice-cream cone because ice cream helps him remember where he is, he doesn’t want to hear that we can’t deliver that for him because yet another goddamn diversity hire broke the fing ice cream machine again!!  Jesus Christ! What the f is it with you people and ice-cream machines??Science_2021_04_09_IceCream_15046_2

“We were all in shock!  We just sat there looking at each other in amazement, wondering if he really said what he just said. But it didn’t end there.

“He had slides with multi-colored charts correlating the increase in diversity staff hires with ice cream machine malfunctions, and as if that wasn’t crazy enough, he went on this absolutely brutal tirade about people of color and ice cream machines:

“I read about this stuff in the papers,  about how at McDonald’s and other fast food restaurants in black neighborhoods the damn ice-cream machines never work because the diversity staff are too damn lazy or disinterested to maintain them properly.  And now we have the same damn problem in the White House!!  Well it ends today! 

Effective immediately you either get certified on the use and maintenance of the White House ice cream machines, or you don’t go near the damn ice cream machines.  No exceptions.  And until this problem clears up, there will be no more grape soda or twizzlers in the vending machines in the White House break rooms!  And just so you know how seriously the President and I are taking this, Hip Hop Fridays are now cancelled until further notice!”

“Just to be clear,” Mr Shabazz explained,  “no black staffers that I know eat the sh*t ice cream at the White House, and the only people who attend Hip Hop Fridays are Jen Psaki, Pete Buttigieg, Janet Yellen, and Victoria Nuland.”

Developing . . . .