VEN (WASHINGTON) — In another shocking development, President Trump announced Wednesday afternoon in a hastily-called press conference that at tonight’s Republican National Convention he will be presenting the Medal of Freedom posthumously to Kunta Kinte, “that great — many people say very great — African-American icon whose place in American history has for so long been denied. Very sad. No excuse for it. A really terrible thing that I will be correcting tonight!”
The President brushed off accusations by reporters that this was yet another outrageous example of the RNC shamefully pandering to People of Color.
“Look,” Mr Trump explained. “The guy lost part of his foot, his right foot. It was the right foot, right Mike? They took a really big part of it, OK? The part with all the toes. After that, his shoes, they had to be specially made. Very expensive. Like you wouldn’t believe! Just a really terrible thing!”
Mr Trump bristled at suggestions that Kunta Kinte was not in fact a real person, but a character in the novel Roots by Alex Haley.
“I believe he preferred to be called Toby,” Mr Trump shot back. “But we’re going with Kunta because we want the award to celebrate his proud African Heritage and the big, very big contributions he made to hip-hop (he was the first, OK, the one everyone else copied) and as many people probably don’t know — including the failing fake news New York Times — the huge contributions Mr Kinte made despite his limp — very bad limp, terrible limp — to the development of peanut and sweet potato farming in the South! Peanuts the size of watermelons! Such a wonderful thing! But no credit. Until now!”
Developing . . . .