Thank God Almighty, I’m Free At Last!

VEN (WASHINGTON) — In advance of the second day of the Republican National Convention and what many are calling a shocking and unprecedented development, President Trump signed an Executive Order this morning declaring that POC are not bound by any federal, state, or local laws and that law enforcement is prohibited from interfering with whatever it is a POC may be doing that would otherwise be considered a crime.

“This is long overdue,” the President told reporters.

“Many people including Jared and Ivanka, think this is long overdue.  We have the deadly China virus.  Very bad.  Has done a lot of really bad things.  Very bad things. We want to make things better for everyone, not worse.  So with this Executive Order, the first of its kind in the history of the presidency I’m told, we’re letting POC know that we support them in whatever it is they want to do without having to worry about being arrested or shot or tazed or other bad things while resisting arrest.  Because they can no longer be arrested!”

The President added that he hoped certain “bad apples” don’t abuse this new privilege, but stressed once again that POC should not be required to obey what he called “the white man’s laws”  that were born out of a “non-inclusive, neo-colonial, repressive systemic racist system that we are working hard, very hard to eradicate and will eradicate in my second term.”

VEN‘s Senior Domestic Terrorist Correspondent Ilich Ramírez Sánchez asked the president  if he would be extending the same sort of amnesty to members of anarcho-terrorist groups like Antifa and Black Lives Matter.

“Well,” Mr Trump explained,  “if any of those people are people of color then of course they would already be covered by this EO.  They want to blow up a post office (of course we hope they don’t do that) but that’s up to them — and if they do, then no harm, no foul.  The Post Office like all federal buildings is insured.

“As for the non-POC terrorists, many as you know come from fine families, very fine families, a lot of Congressmen’s children, good kids — I think we might even have a few in the cabinet, is that right Mike?  So yes that will be something we’ll be looking into.”

Developing . . . .