VEN (New York) — In yet another wild COVID-19 development, Little Big Pharma Man Anthony Fauci was spotted by an anonymous pizza delivery man in Chris Cuomo’s basement Monday evening wearing leather chaps, nipple rings, and a black leather motorcycle jacket!
“YMCA was blasting wicked loud, so at first I figured you know it was just another Village People themed party — Chris has those all the time. But then I was like — hey, I know you! You’re that crazy little white-haired f**k on TV who says we’re all gonna die! Yo, Vax Man! Can I get an autograph?!
“But he said he couldn’t leave the basement because he was under strict partial self-quarantine, and before I could ask him what Dr Birx was really like, Chris runs up the stairs with his shirt off all oiled up wearing a thong and buggin like he’s on crack and he goes HEY LOSER! DO YOU KNOW WHO THE F^^K I AM?? I’M CHRIS F^^KING CUOMO. THAT’S RIGHT. THE GUY ON CNN! NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE BEFORE I SHOVE THAT PIZZA BOX UP YOUR FAT DAGO A**!
“And then Dr Fauci, he slipped past Chris, gave me a hundred dollar bill and took the pizza, while patting Chris on the shoulder and telling him everything was gonna be OK.
“Then Chris started mumbling something to Dr Fauci about how he just can’t quit him, but it was hard to tell what he was saying because he started crying and shaking and then Dr Fauci he told him he’d probably feel better after another spanking, and Chris nodded and took a deep breath but he was still kind sobbing and saying I’m Chris Cumo! From CNN! and then Dr Fauci held his hand and they walked back downstairs with the pizza.
“I’m telling you, the sh*t I see on Long Island!”
Developing . . . .