Fauci to CNN — I Made the MAGA Man My B*tch!

VEN (Washington) — In a startling revelation Saturday morning,  Dr Andrew “Max Vax” Fauci told a CNN panel of COVID-19 experts that he now “owns” President Trump, and that Mr Trump “can’t even leer at his press secretary anymore without first getting my permission!”

Anonymous sources close to the President told VEN‘s Senior Fifth Column Correspondent Vidkun Quisling that after the impeachment failed, three  senior members of AIPAC approached Mr Trump and told him he was going to get on board with the upcoming plandemic — or else!

“They told him to shutdown the economy,  get to negative interest rates,  force more people into the stock market with promises of reduced capital gains taxes before they cash out and take the DOW down to 6000 points, and to get unemployment up to at least 35% so that more people go bankrupt and they  can acquire their assets for pennies on the dollar.  In other words, a repeat of 1929.

“There was no carrot.  The stick was or else you’ll never eat at McDonald’s again.

“He was told to listen very carefully to Dr Fauci and to do everything he says, no matter how ridiculous it sounded.  And that he mobilize the Army to make sure every American gets a mandatory COVID-19 vaccination by the end of the fiscal year, and — most important of all — that he make it crystal clear that any kulak’s get sent to the gulag. They were insistent that the US population be reduced by at least 25% by Q1/21.

“To save face, they told him he could still do jingoistic red meat stuff like Blue Angel flyovers, arguing with the fake news,  and tweeting about the upcoming Obamagate scandal, but NOTHING to substantially obviate the COVID hoax.

“As further incentive, when he didn’t move fast enough, that had Rory McIlroy announce that he would never play golf with Mr Trump again.  And to drive the point home, they told him Tiger Woods and Tom Brady were next.

“That brought the President back in line, and to signal that he understood what they wanted,  he reversed course and immediately refunded WHO.”

Developing . . . .