As Adrenochrome Dries Up Celebrities Turn to Catnip/Turpentine!

VEN (Hollywood) — As the COVID-19 shutdown takes a devastating toll on child trafficking and satanic ritual sacrifice, adrenochrome  has been more difficult to find than photographs of Michelle Obama’s pregnancy!

“You’d have more luck finding a Jew playing hockey,” an anonymous William Morris executive told VEN‘s Senior Paraphilic Correspondent Dom Sévérino Thursday.

“It used to be in hard times, like after the fiasco with the Clinton Foundation and the Haitian orphanages, if an A Lister or a Senator or a Federal Judge is jonesing for a fix, you could just grab some rando kid off the street every now and then.  But with stay-at-home orders and social distancing, that’s a thing of the past now!”

So what’s an adrenochrome junkie to do?

“A lot of our clients are turning to catnip and turpentine, you believe that? It’s sorta like a speedball for Satanists.  Word is Hillary has a warehouse in Yonkers packed to rafters with that stuff.

Petco and Home Depot are sold out, so to meet the demand some underground chemist in West Hollywood came up with  a synthetic version he calls Nip ‘N Turp that sells for 100K/gram on the dark net.

“Is that a lot of money?  Sure. But when you’re becoming a raving psychotic from adrenochrome withdrawal and  starting to look more like Dorian Gray’s portrait than Dorian Gray, believe me, you’ll try anything!”

Developing . . . .