VEN (MONTREUX) — Zaftig pretend pro tem governor of Georgia and IRS scofflaw Stacey Abrams shocked her Swiss hosts during this year’s Bilderberg Conference by announcing that she was the rightful governor of the Vaud canton and attempting to move her entire entourage — including a nutria rat and five chickens — into the historic Conseil d’État.
The former Activia spokesperson further angered the Swiss by single-handedly causing what one government official claimed was the worst truffle famine in the tiny country’s history.
Nicknamed the cochon de truffe by disaffected locals, Ms Abrams created a sensation at the Bilderberg opening ceremonies by gulping down huge bowls of twizzlers and black truffles and then — zut alors! — spilling a large bottle of Zuberfizz Grape Soda on Steering Committee Chairman, Henri de Castries, who told VEN‘s Senior Entre Nous Correspondent Charles Talleyrand that at one point — as Ms Abrams consumed an entire case of Luxardo Maraschino cherries in what many termed a “feeding frenzy” — he actually feared for his life.
“A half meter closer, and my hand — indeed half of my arm — they would both have been gone!”
Her biggest regret, Ms Abrams told reporters, was that she could not get the chef at the Auberge de Chaulin to deep-fry the fondue or provide her with Louisiana Hot Sauce for her coq au vin.
“That’s why I am here as the newest Bilderberger — to ensure that repressive neo-colonial dining has no future in the world’s restaurants. And that y’all can have a nice meal at an International House of Pancakes anywhere in the world!”