VEN (VALDOSTA) — Governor in Exile Pro Tem and Senior Activia spokesperson Stacy Abrams III stunned supporters Saturday when — from her special reserved VIP booth at Valdosta’s Original House of Pancakes — she announced her candidacy for President in 2020 with former USSR strongman and fellow Georgian Joseph Stalin as her running mate.
“We gonna have us a co-presidency and get us some shit DONE!” an impassioned Ms Abrams told reporters. “Ain’t nobody gone stop me now. We talkin’ reparations, baby, free SUVs, dog fightin’, Loosiana Hot Sauce, an anythin else y’all want! Popeye’s for my PEOPLES, Baby!”
The former Lane Bryant model’s assistant and IRS scofflaw dismissed questions about the legitimacy of her running mate, his long history of human rights abuse, lack of American citizenship, and — perhaps most troubling of all — his death in 1953.
“Y’all nay sayers worse than Trump! Joe ain’t dead, he jess SLEEPIN‘! Sure he plagiarize a few things in his life, but who ain’t done that? Sweet Baby Jesus, Ima writer. I do that shit alla time!
“Bottom line — if Joe was good enough for Obama, y’all better believe he is good enough for me!”
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