And I’m Like OMG Universal Darkness It So Like . . . Buries All!

VEN (WASHINGTON) — After moving into her “bougie” apartment in Washington, DC,  a mystified Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez was bedazzled by what many Americans take for granted  — dishwashers, garbage disposals, electric lights, and — perhaps most astonishing of all for the Boston University Economics major — indoor plumbing and running water!

“OK everyone, I need your help because I just moved into this apartment a few months ago and I just pulled a lever and it made that noise and it scared the daylights out of me,” Miss Cortez said in a  video posted to Instagram. “This D.C. apartment is bougie and has things I’ve never seen before.

Who dat?

“I am told this is a toilet.   Like what is a toilet really for? Is it better or worse than you know like using a tree or a shrub or umm — like we did in Westchester — recycling a large habanero pepper jar?  More importantly why is it so loud and yelling at me?

“And they have these little rooms that when you press a button, they like appear magically and these doors just open all by themselves, and OMG!, you get in and the doors close behind you and they like take you to another dimension or something.  It’s like SO much better than Six Flags!”

Developing . . . .