VEN (PARIS) — Cathedral de Notre Dame spokesperson Father Ali Muhammad Abdelnour told reporters Friday that long-forgotten incendiaries placed in the 800-year-old oak-timbered roof by disaffected Huguenots during the second world war, ignited suddenly after busy workmen mistakenly spread thermite on the structure and then set it ablaze when someone inadvertently dropped a lit 12 meter piece of det cord during a heated discussion with colleagues over a controversial passage from the holy Koran.

“As we do every year during Easter week,” Father Abdelnour  explained, “we shut down our jihadi early detection warning system out of respect for the Holy Prophet.

“Perhaps in hindsight that was a mistake.”

Could the destruction have been worse?  Mai oui,  the holy Father contends.

“Despite the heavy damage to the structure, we are simply amazed that the semtex-lined walls of the cathedral itself — painstakingly placed and carefully wired in series —  failed to detonate after the iconic cathedral spire collapsed in flames, which — of course — we attribute to the divine mercy of Allah!”

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