I Don’t Know Nothin’ ‘Bout Birthin’ Ballots!

Convicted felons struggle to create and count post-election ballots before deadline for illegal voting expires.

VEN (FLORIDA) — As hundreds of paid volunteers — including illegal immigrants and convicts on furlough from the Broward County Jail — worked feverishly in hastily contrived dangerously low-light cubicles in musty basements of several county buildings to fill out enough ballots not just to trigger a recount for defeated Democrat gubernatorial and senatorial candidates, but — in the words of Supervisor of Elections Brenda Snipes — “get us uh ‘lection win and drive them cracker-ass white boys out the state once an fow all!

“An it don’t make me no never mind WHO watchin! They all raciss muthaf*ckin Trump-ass bitches anahways!

“An y’all can quote me! Damn, Rodney, where my Twizzlers at?”

Illegal aliens double the work of ballot forgers by mistakenly voting for just one Democrat candidate.

One illegal alien certified ballot reverse engineer that we spoke with on condition of anonymity, Pancho X, told VEN‘s Senior Voting Irregularities Correspondent William Magear Tweed through a Broward County interpreter, that he had personally filled out 5000 ballots for Democrat Andrew Gillum, but got in trouble with Ms Snipes for forgetting to vote for Bill Nelson on the same ballots.

“I tell her, you have to tell me who to vote for, OK? And where to make the marks. Dios Mio! I am from a small village in Honduras, and can barely read Spanish! Que va! What do they want from me? And I’m here for hours! Where’s my Big Mac? My supersized fries! I am thinking maybe I should file a grievance with La Raza! Or just self-deport myself! The work is killing me!”

Best friend of Andrew Gillum finds provisional ballots in pickup truck abandoned in Popeye’s parking lot.

Similar scenes are taking place throughout Florida, Georgia, Montana, and Arizona where friends and relatives of “defeated” Democrat candidates have found hundreds of thousands of provisional ballots in luggage, cookie jars, storage containers, pickup trucks, and in one case buried in the coffin of a deceased relative in Pensacola who was exhumed when a psychic told Andrew Gillum’s campaign manager that she was receiving messages “from beyond the grave.”

“Who speaks for the living-challenged voter?” a defiant Joseph D’Alessandro, director of election planning and development, asked reporters late Sunday.

“We do, that’s who! And we won’t rest until every ballot for every Democrat running in Florida — no matter where that ballot comes from — Mars, Jupiter, the county morgue, my mother’s freezer — is discovered and counted — at least twice!

Developing . . . .