VEN (ROME) — In another shocking move that has further alienated the black and blue Faithful, Red Pope Francis asked Catholics to pray to the Archangel Michael to lessen the influence of Satan, as the Evil One continues “stalking” the Catholic Church, nefariously persuading “the misguided among us,” to raise accusations of clerical sexual abuse against the most senior members of the Holy See, and implicating the Pope himself in an ongoing cover up.
As one senior member of the Catholic Clergy told VEN from his private social club in Bayonne, New Jersey Tuesday, this is not a good thing.
“You got a lot of people out there who are sayin’ Hey, Your Holiness — Satan an’ God are equal? Your good forces an’ your evil forces balance out in the wurl? WTF?
“The Cardinals, they had a sitdown wid him last year wen this all started. They tole him Look, Pontif, you need to reread Augustine an’ Aquinas, my friend!”
“I mean sure, Satan is a good earner for us. Always has been. But we NEVER talk to outsiders about our thing, OK? This guy wid the — if you will — Good and Evil equipoise, the no Hell stuff, rewriting the Pater Noster to bring Satan up on the same level as God.
“An alla fanook stuff? Marone!
“It’s confusing the Faithful, donations are down, and it’s making a lot of people very nervous if you know what I mean. Between you an’ me, if he keeps this stuff up, I don’t know, maybe like JP One, he disappears into the witness protection program (laughs).
“What he’s doin’ — it is VERY bad for business.”
Developing . . . .