The Bridges of Szechuan County


VEN (SAN FRANCISCO) — A love story for the ages!

US Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) and her Chinese driver Jimmy Tong had a torrid in-cab romance for over 20 years, during which time Ms Feinstein allegedly revealed numerous state secrets to the man who — shockingly — turned out to be a real-life Chinese spy!

VEN‘s Senior International Espionage Correspondent, Sidney Toland, caught up with Mr Tong over the weekend for this exclusive interview.

VEN — So, Jimmy, how long were you involved with Senator Feinstein?

JT — O, long time! In early 90’s, she would walk from cab to cab outside St Francis Hotel till she find driver she like. She like me better. Always ask for Jimmy. Then one day offer me job!

VEN — And when did the romance begin?

JT — Right away! First day, she have me drive her to mansion, then we watch Producers — not stupid remake. Original, A-number-one, with Gene Wilder, Zero Mostel!

That’s how I learn Contessa and the Chauffeur, Miss Dianne’s favorite game!

                     LITTLE OLD LADY
            So, the Count hired you this
            morning, Rudolfo ... Watch the road
            ... Watch the road.

            I can't take my eyes off you.  How
            can I drive when you drive me mad.

                     LITTLE OLD LADY
                   (she squeals with delight)
            Rudolfo, you dirty pig!  Pull over!

VEN — Were there other games?

JT — Oh, yes! Many other games!

She like to put on my glasses so she couldn’t see and drive with me in back seat. I had to call her Mr Magoo! She call me Charlie!

Aftermath of Senator Feinstein as Mr Magoo making illegal U-Turn in heavy traffic.

And she roll down window and yell ROAD HOG to other cars she cut off on Embarcadero! Very funny!

Then we stop near Presidio have sex in cab, later she tell me what US changing in China policy!

Very good time!

VEN — And what kind of secrets did she tell you?

JT — O, where the fleet was going, what US was doing under table with Taiwan, and when we play Chiang Kai-shek and Chen Xiangmei she would make me put on cheongsam, then while Jimmy dance for her, she tell me all about new trade policies and currency manipulations ask me how I could help husband with business dealings in Peking!

top secret

Then she dance for me! Dance longtime! Then we make love, stop for nightcap at Bueno Vista!

She always order Chinese Coffee which drive bartenders crazy! Baijiu instead of Irish Whiskey! No one like her there!

VEN — And then a few years ago, the relationship abruptly came to an end — why?

JT — O, she promise oneday take Jimmy Washington, get Jimmy staff job in Senate, but I demur. No good for me! In country illegally! And spy! Would never pass background check!

But she still call, and sometime I drive her to Coit Tower and she tell me what Trump plan to do in North Korea and how it affect China or how long Peking can expect tariffs will be in place and so forth — just like old times!

Developing . . . .