Very Ersatz News Politics

Kamala’s Biggest Challenge Yet — “Who Do I Have To F*** Around Here To Become President?!”

VEN (LOS ANGELES) — Former Willie Brown mistress and political courtesan Kamala Harris (D-CA), announced this week that she will seek her party’s nomination for  the Presidency in 2020, raising concerns among well-wishers that she may not have enough runway left before the primaries to figure out who she has to f*** this time to make that dream come true.

“No, seriously, Willie — who do I have to f*** to become President?”

As one of her former aides explained to VEN‘s Senior Quid Pro Quo Correspondent Sidney Falco Thursday,  “In the past of course she’d just bang Willie or one of his friends or do a little girl on girl for him.

“That got her to the AG slot.  And of course her affair with Barbara Boxer secured her Senate seat for her.

“But President?  That’s a whole nother ballgame!  And let’s face it, that girl ain’t gettin’ any younger!  Even if she can find the right guy in time, she may be too old to pull it off!”

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“So if you were thinkin’ like old times around the world, maybe throw in a little ATM, sure I’m down with that. But Jerry, I need a NAME!

Others disagree.

“If she can find the right guy,  even at 53 she can still bring the goods if you know what I mean,” one senior staffer told VEN.

“But finding the right guy, that’s gonna be the problem!  She’s got us all lookin’ but so far it’s been a steep uphill climb!”

Developing . . . .