I’m Ready For My Closeup, Chief Justice Roberts! Ruth Bader-Ginsburg’s Astonishing Transformation After Dead Sea Spa Treatment!

VEN (WASHINGTON) — As questions swirled around the health of 85-year-old Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg following the surprise announcement Wednesday of Justice Kennedy’s retirement, a rejuvenated Ms Ginsburg met with reporters Wednesday night at the Old Ebbet Grill to reveal her “new look.”

“I feel 60 years younger, and I’m ready to stay on the bench for at least another 25 years!” a spry Bader-Ginsburg proudly announced during happy hour, in-between glasses of Manischewitz Private Select.


“After I fell asleep during President Obama’s State of the Union address on national TV, my friends said Ruth, you’ve got to DO something!

“So finally I did!

“Three weeks at Rabbi Schlomo’s Lilith Spa in Haifa and I’m a completely different person!

Gregory Alan Isakov performs at the Music Hall of Williamsburg

“Hey, what do you guys say we settle up here and then head up to Adam’s Morgan! Gregory Alan Isakov’s at the Black Cat and I like totes need to vape some OG Kush before we get there!

“Press Corps! Before we go, can anyone score me some X? I’m lookin’ at you, Brook Baldwin! (OMG, I’m so just kidding)! Death to Palestine, b*tches!”

Developing . . . .