VEN (WASHINGTON) — According to the official report, Vince Foster — alleged lover of then First Lady Hillary Clinton — was found dead from a self-inflicted gun shot wound to the head, in Fort Marcy Park off the George Washington Parkway in Virginia, on July 20, 1993.
Soon rumors began to spread of more than one wound, a gun at the scene that was the wrong caliber, a forged suicide note, that Hillary was somehow involved, and indications that a full-blown Washington cover-up was underway!
But why would Hillary want Vince Foster dead?
In a shocking expose, VEN has learned from an initial responder from the Federal Park Service that the truth behind the apparent suicide is absolutely mind-boggling!
“We found Mr Foster lying on his back, white as a ghost. The body had been completely exsanguinated, yet there was no trace of blood at the scene. Nor was any gun found in his hand.
“The body had every indication of having been dropped from a height of at least 1500 feet. Every bone was broken.
“But what really made our hair stand on end was the surgery. It was like a cattle mutilation. Mr Foster’s genitals had been removed with some sort of laser device with micro cauterization leaving a perfectly round 5-inch diameter hole in his groin area.
“He looked like a Ken doll who was transitioning!”
The first responders were sworn to secrecy under penalty of imprisonment, and further incented with 20,000 shares of NETFLIX stock, the now popular DVD/streaming company, that would not come into existence until four years later in 1997!
But the story — incredible as it seems — does not end there!
According to a Senior NSA official, it’s an open secret in Washington that Mr Foster was abducted by aliens from the Draco Galaxy and his genitalia transplanted onto Hillary Clinton as the mother ship hovered over Fort Marcy Park, causing hundreds of people to call 911 with reports of strange UFO activity.
“Everything went according to plan, until YOKO (the Draconian code name for Mrs Clinton), presented the aliens with a 10% coupon from her then-defunct Arkansas PPO and demanded that the Draconians contribute 200 million (USD) to a Clinton account in the Cayman Islands.
“The Draconians were furious!”
According to a Senior White House official who was also aboard the UFO, in a vain effort to calm Hillary down, Webb Hubbell had Huma bring the last Haitian toddler into the OR presumably to donate additional adrenochrome, but when Hillary saw Huma she became so aroused that she forgot about the coupon and the millions of dollars she was trying to extort from the Draconians and in what can only be described as a moment of ecstatic trangendered turgidity began popping all of her stitches!
“At this point the Draconians had had enough. They tossed Mr Foster’s body out of the mothership, created Anthony Weiner and Monica Lewinsky out of spare body parts they had lying around to screw the Clintons, and then beamed the entire Clinton entourage back to Lafayette Park and made them walk back to the White House.
“But not before redoing Mrs Clinton’s reassignment surgery using the genitalia of a flaming gay Clydesdale station, which left the former Secretary of State in the unbalanced, super-uncomfortable hybrid-hermaphroditic state we find her in today.
“That’s why she wears a back brace. That’s why — if she leans forward — she falls down all the time. That’s why she eats hay.
“And that’s why — if she doesn’t get enough adrenochrome — her head bobbles uncontrollably and she neighs and whinnies like a horse.”
Developing . . . .