BREAKING — Miss America Pageant To Admit Men For The First Time!

VEN (NEW YORK)After putting the kibosh on their signature swimsuit and evening gown competitions,  and no longer judging on looks, the Miss America Organization announced Tuesday that they plan to admit men (cis or otherwise) for the first time in 2018!

No one was more thrilled at the news than Marty Tannhauer — a carpenter from South Boston — who identifies as an Afro-American lesbian from the Sudan.fat man

“I’m really thrilled!  My talent is using a nail gun.  I look terrible in white tie and tails and even worse in a Speedo, so I really feel like with the new rules, I have a good shot at winning.

“I’m so happy I could piss myself!

“Imagine me as Miss America! I’ve been waiting my whole f***ing life for an opportunity like this!”

Not so fast says Key West’s Toni LaVelle , known professionally as The Fabulous Miss T lipstick-white background

“I’m asking for clarification of the new rules, since I think I should be able to compete as a cross-dressing male whose talent is cross-dressing — this means an evening gown and bikini, as well as musical number with several costume changes.

“I think what the Miss America people are doing with the new rules is intentionally excluding people like me who are a threat to cis-females everywhere — in or out of a dress!”

gloria allredApparently renown plaintiff’s attorney Gloria Allred agrees.

M/Ms LaVelle has retained  Ms Allred, who — in a brief press conference early Tuesday in Los Angeles — vowed to take this case “all the way to the Supreme Court if necessary.

“As they say in The Castro, What’s good for the goose is good for the grindr.  We are not backing down!”

Developing  . . . .