VEN (HOLLYWOOD) —  When iconic Hollywood makeup artist Gregory Nicotero got the call, he couldn’t believe it!

“They were frantic.  They told me an Air Force F-16 was standing by at LAX to fly me to New York immediately and that the fate of the world hung in the balance!”

The crisis?

Apparently former Secretary of State John Kerry was just hours away from a meeting in violation of the Logan Act  with Iranian Foreign Minister Javad Zarif at the UN, when in the middle of his final preparation, suddenly and for no apparent reason his Botox started to fail!

“The guy’s face looked like a 40-year-old first baseman’s mitt that had been left out in the rain for days and then baked in the sun.

“It was f***ing shocking!   People actually became physically ill.  You really had to turn away.  It was THAT bad!”

With no time for more Botox injections, a panicking staff reached out to the man who turned Mickey Rourke into Sin City’s psycho killer with a heart of gold, Marv.

“That’s the look we were going for — what choice did we have?  It was that or surgical tape, concealer, and more crazy glue.  It was 2004 all over again!

“His wife, Teresa,  kept screaming that she should have married Jeff  Flake, while doing shots of Clase Azul and snorting lines off his briefing book!

“Hey John, she yelled to him at one point so that everyone could hear.  Look what I found in my goddamn purse!  You’re f***ing Vietnam medals!

“We were desperate.  And Greg did a terrific job!”

Developing . . . .