VEN (LOS ANGELES) — Aides for zaftig , emotionally unstable, boxed-wine-addicted and alleged pedavore Hillary Clinton, deny rumors that the former Secretary Of State is suffering from Kuru, a fatal disease caused by eating human brains contaminated with infectious proteins known as prions.
The once rare, incurable disease — which causes involuntary trembling, as well as pathologic bursts of laughter — was until recently restricted to cannibals in New Guinea.
However, with the rising popularity of satanic ritual sacrifice among celebrities and politicians, Kuru is reaching almost epidemic proportions in Hollywood, Georgetown, Manhattan, and — incredibly — within a five mile radius of Rham Emanuel’s mansion in Ravenswood on Chicago’s north side.
As one Washington insider told VEN’s Senior Ritual Sacrifice Correspondent Tom Welles, “These people are addicted to adrenochrome, which they can only get from torturing a victim to death and then drinking their blood or eating the adrenal glands.
“The drug allegedly delivers an indescribable high, sharpens intellect, connects the user to powerful demonic forces, and if taken regularly, becomes quite literally a fountain of youth.
“The problem is you have to keep taking it . . . . and the only source is human blood from a victim who has been tortured and terrified just before death.
“So you need a reliable source of victims, which — according to my former sources from the Silk Road — Mrs Clinton and her husband are reputed to have in abundance.”
How widespread is the practice we asked.
“Well, how do you think wise latina Supreme Court Justice Sonja Sotomayor broke her leg? Playing field hockey?
“No — she was knocked out of the way by John Podesta at a Spirit Cooking dinner at his brother’s house, as she was trying to fill her demonic Santeria chalice — a gift from Valerie Jarrett — with yet another pint of blood from a Haitian refugee unlucky enough to have been ‘rescued’ by the Clinton Foundation.”
In the case of Mrs Clinton and her Stage IV Kuru, like many career politicians, she allegedly enjoys eating her victims brains after first having their bodies exsanguinated, marinated in dog’s blood, and then slow-roasted over a mesquite fire — a recipe Huma got from Hunter Thompson, just before he died.
“Unfortunately for our former-future President and Rosie O’Donnell, no amount of adrenochrome can fix Kuru.
“Once you get it, you laugh uncontrollably, until finally you quite literally just shake yourself to death.
“It’s as if her many thousands of victims — led by Vince Foster — have finally struck back, vanquishing her from beyond the grave!”
Developing . . . .