VEN (WASHINGTON) — In the wake of the recent startling announcement by South Korea that NOKO’s irascible Oompa-Loompa Opulent Radiance Of The Majestic Galactic Sun Moon And Stars Child President Kim Jong-un wants a de-nuclearized Korean peninsula and an official end to the war with the South, pundits are wondering — how did this all come about?
Why now? Why Trump? What is different this time?
According to senior White House officials who spoke with VEN‘s Senior Geo-political Correspondent Carl Gottlieb von Clausewitz, President Trump told North Korea that either they play ball and “get with the program” or he was going to appoint Hillary Clinton (“and all that entails”) as US Ambassador to North Korea, effective immediately.
“He had Pompeo tell them that the United States was going to relocate the Clinton Foundation to Pyongyang, and that in 18 months there wouldn’t be a single won left in their national treasury.
“Also Pompeo stressed that based on a classified Pentagon study done in conjunction with the Center for Disease Control and the World Health Organization, in less than six months, Bill Clinton will have started a raging antibiotic-resistant STD epidemic that will devastate the tiny hermit nation.
“Not even your red-crowned cranes will be safe!” Pompeo told them. “The pain that the Clintons will cause you will be so unbearable, you guys will be begging us to nuke you to make it end!”
The next day, North Korea announced that they would immediately stop testing their ICBM missiles, and have begun drafting a comprehensive plan to deactivate their entire nuclear arsenal.
Developing . . . .