VEN (WASHNGTON) — Senior White House officials told VEN Monday that President Trump — concerned that his nominee for CIA Director, former CIA senior torturer Gina Haspel, will face overwhelming opposition from both parties in her Senate confirmation hearings — is now considering nominating daughter Ivanka Kushner instead.
“This makes a lot of sense on so many levels,” one former White House official told reporters Monday evening outside the Old Ebbitt Grill in Washington.
“Ivanka will bring a refreshing sense of fashion, style, and grace to an agency that quite frankly has been stuck in the 1950’s for years.
“When we think of spies we think of chain-smoking men in dark polyester blend suits with dull, white wash-and-wear shirts and black clip on ties that you might — oh I don’t know — just grab off the rack at a Robert Hall somewhere.
“With Ivanka you’ll see more colors, more panache, more exciting contrasts — a mix of say Joseph Abboud and Calvin Klein, with some Harris Tweed, classic three-button suites, and of course Ralph Lauren gabardines and Oxford cotton button-downs thrown in for good measure.
“Under Ivanka, when you think CIA, you’ll think elegance and affordable couture!
“And, you know, instead of water-boarding and torturing the bad guys, our agents will simply say ‘Hey, terrorist dude, if you like tell us what you know, not only won’t we f**k with you or send you to Gitmo, we’ll take you shopping at William Fox and buy you an absolutely stunning ensemble!'”
Developing . . . .