Ivanka Trump To Head CIA?

Unmarried former CIA Cat’s Eye Station Chief who — critics claim — enjoyed getting paid to torture single men.

VEN (WASHNGTON) — Senior White House officials told  VEN Monday that President Trump — concerned that his nominee for CIA Director,  former CIA senior torturer Gina Haspel, will face overwhelming opposition from both parties in her Senate confirmation hearings — is now considering nominating daughter Ivanka Kushner instead.

“This makes a lot of sense on so many levels,” one former White House official told reporters Monday evening  outside the Old Ebbitt Grill in Washington.

“Ivanka will bring a refreshing sense of fashion, style, and grace to an agency that quite frankly has been stuck in the 1950’s for years.spy versus spy

“When we think of spies we think of chain-smoking men in dark polyester blend suits with dull, white wash-and-wear shirts and black clip on ties that you might — oh I don’t know — just grab off the rack at a Robert Hall somewhere.

ralph lauren.jpg“With Ivanka you’ll see more colors, more panache, more exciting contrasts — a mix of say Joseph Abboud and Calvin Klein, with some Harris Tweed,  classic three-button suites, and of course Ralph Lauren gabardines and Oxford cotton button-downs thrown in for good measure.

“Under Ivanka, when you think  CIA, you’ll think elegance and affordable couture!

“And, you know,  instead of water-boarding  and torturing the bad guys, our agents will simply say  ‘Hey, terrorist dude, if you like tell us what you know,  not only won’t we f**k with you or send you to Gitmo, we’ll take you shopping at William Fox and buy you an absolutely stunning ensemble!'”

Developing . . . .