VEN (ROME) — In a move many are calling an unprecedented act of ecumenism, Pope Francis I is calling on all Protestants, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, atheists, and worshipers of Satan to join the Catholic Church.

“Come one,  come all! Conversion and assimilation are words hateful to us,” Vatican spokesperson Giovanni — The Big Rosary —  Romano told reporters Sunday.

“You don’t want to abide by Catholic ritual and dogma?  Who cares?!  Bring your goats to Mass, defecate on our altars,  defile the sacraments, assault our priests and nuns.  That’s the way Christ and St Peter would have wanted it!

“To our Islamic Co-Catholic brothers — if a priest enrages you for whatever reason, behead him in the name of the Prophet Muhammad!  Fill the sacred communion chalice with his blood! Then set fire to the church.  Believe me, we’re more than OK with that!”

Developing . . . .