VEN (BERLIN) — In what many are calling a decision that’s been long overdue, German Chancellor Angela Merkel announced Sunday that she will be relocating the German capital from Berlin to Kabul “to better accommodate our migrant replacement population.”

Citing the need to free itself from its moribund Teutonic past (“Does anyone read Goethe anymore?  Or listen to Mozart or Beethoven?  Or remember Frederick The Great?”), Ms Merkel sought to rouse her countrymen to embrace “The New Greater Germany,” in what she now calls “a glorious reverse neo-colonial paradise on Earth.”

“If our women are being raped and molested, our churches defaced, that is a small price to pay for kebab stands, NO GO zones, migrants defecating in our streets, suicide attacks, and the unrelenting murderous assaults on Jews and Christians!

“We must sacrifice ourselves and our way of life our history our culture for reasons that will become clear to you in no more than 10 years time!  This I promise you!

“My fellow countrymen!  Germany’s future lies not in Germany, but in Syria, Sub-Saharan Africa, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and The Sudan!”

Developing . . . .