VEN (WASHINGTON) — After registering their conservative non-profit organization “A Good Hill To Die On” with the IRS in February 2013, North Carolina native Raymond Becker and his wife Jesse noticed a change in their Christmas presents later that same year.
“I asked for a Weber Smoker and an H&K 45-C for personal defense,” Mr Becker explained to reporters Thursday, “and I got a subscription to Salon instead.
“My boys ended up with a pair of transgendered multi-racial dolls and a NAMBLA membership. And my wife got that Hillary book, It Takes A Village, and a bunch of contraceptives instead of the All-Clad starter set she requested.
“Right away we knew something wasn’t right.
“No one from the North Pole was any help, and our letters to Santa asking for an explanation were never answered.
“Then in March of 2014, the IRS refused to grant our non-profit tax exempt status and we were added to the DO NOT FLY LIST.
“It was a nightmare! That’s when we hired a private investigator who told us we had been added to a secret Deep State Santa Naughty List as part of a dirty tricks program targeting Conservatives and Libertarians!
“We filed a FOI request with the North Pole asking for all documents relating to the Naughty List. But the elves were not forthcoming, even when we threatened to sue.
“Not surprisingly, for Christmas that year we all got coal in our stockings, and Santa or one of his helpers slashed my tires and tried to set my wife’s SUV on fire!
“Then three days later, a family from El Salvador showed up with some dangerous looking MS-13 guys, who told us Santa gave them our house for Christmas!
“When we refused to leave, they came back with three FBI agents, who forced us out at gunpoint. From what we’ve been able to piece together, it looks like they turned our basement into a meth lab run by Hezbollah!”
Developing . . . .