DARPA’s Elite Pre-teen Hackers Target Little Rocket Man!

VEN (LINCOLN LABS) — After several hours of gaming with friends, “Andy” switches to a secure computer, logs into the Dark Net,  and heads for Sunan Airfield in North Korea.

“I loaded a rootkit into their launch code.  It was easier than breaking into my Middle emotional-boy-playing-computer-game-12999429School library, to be honest.  Now I’m checking to see if it’s still there.  Yup, right where I put it.  Time to mess with their telemetry algorithms a little bit,  before doing my homework.  I think we’re having a math quiz tomorrow (laughs) — at least that’s what my teacher just IMed to his girlfriend.”

“Andy” is just one of many adolescent so-called Cyberpunk Warriors the Pentagon is hoping will bring North Korea’s ballistic missile program — and fanatical despot Kim Jong-un —  to their knees.

As one anonymous Pentagon source familiar with the program told VEN, “We have about 10 kids who mess with the military software, and 10 kids whose job it is to drive Kim kid-on-computer-2_tnvltpnuts.

“They turn the lights in his house off and on.  Switch his TV channels.  Make his car windows go up and down.  They even reprogrammed his clock radio so he oversleeps or wakes up to Rush Limbaugh or the Star Spangled Banner.

“It’s PsyOps, basically.  One 8 year-old forced him to completely redesign his fire alarm system by locking him in his bathroom and setting off the fire suppression sprinklers!  The water was up to his knees before his security broke in!  He actually had five people shot over that!”