Hipster Finds Draft Of Gettysburg Address — In Vintage Typewriter!

VEN (Brooklyn) — Atticus  Fury, a professional barista who self-identifies as a “working man’s sometimes sommelier” in trendy Williamsburg, got quite the surprise this past weekend when he stopped at a rando estate sale in Yorkville with his fiancée Margot, a professional mixologist and thrift store manager, who has her own blog.

“We were kind of tired from all the cycling, and just wanted to get back to bk, right?  I don’t know why we decided to stop and look around.  All I wanted to do to be honest wasunderwood5-01 get home, put on a Mitch Miller Christmas album,  and throw back a couple of Sazarack’s or a Ramos Gin Fizz.  I had no idea I’d find the typewriter of my dreams!”

The typewriter of Mr Fury’s dreams was a vintage 1913 Underwood 5, in perfect condition, for only 25.00!    But the biggest surprise was yet to come.

“I can’t even — taped to the bottom of the gettysberg addr4essUnderwood was this envelope, and in the envelope was a draft of the f***ing  Gettysburg Address!  I took it to a guy who deals in merch like this and it was like totes legit!

“President Abraham Lincoln typed the first draft of the Gettysburg Address on MY Underwood!  F***ing Hundo P, right?”

While waiting for independent confirmation of the document’s authenticity, Mr Fury has discovered additional historic documents also believed to have been created with his Underwood 5, including The Magna Carta, Act I-Scene ii of Shakespeare’s Richard III, and the complete lyrics to Irving Berlin’s smash 1930’s hit, Puttin on the Ritz.

Developing . . . .