Jeff Flake Ruins Perfectly Good Jumper Virtue Signaling

VEN (WASHINGTON) — Integrity-challenged, lame-duck,  multi-millionaire, NeverTrump Senator  Jeff Flake (U-AZ), tore his “lucky jumper” Monday as he wrote a  symbolic 100.00 USD check to Republican Judge Roy Moore’s Progressive opponent in the Alabama special-election, December 12, which will permanently fill the Senate seat vacated by Jeff Sessions (R-AL),  when he became President Trump’s Attorney General in February.

“Do I get criticized for wearing girls cloths — sure, all the time,” Mr Flake told reporters Tuesday.  “But it’s not as if I’m hanging around the Misses collections at Macy’s or anything like that asking out 14- year-old girls.

“The Mac and I don’t do that anymore.

“Instead, I have my jumpers and all my peter-pan collar blouses and so forth custom-made in Singapore, just like Lindsey Graham and Mitch McConnell.  They do great work!  And you know what?  We should really start thinking very seriously about relocating  more American manufacturing there.

“As for all this nonsense about Hey, Look! Flake wears girls cloths at home!  or  There must be something wrong with a guy who wears girls clothes — frankly, I’m at a point in  my life where I just don’t care anymore if someone thinks that’s a big deal.

“In fact, since this whole torn jumper thing was made public, I’ve been approached as a possible replacement for Jeffery Tambor in Transparent after my Senate term ends in 2018.

“And you know what, I think that’s great.  I couldn’t be happier about that!  In fact, my wife Cheryl is going to lend me a pair of heels and take out her little black dress for me if I get the part.

“So all this talk about jumpers and girls dresses aside, yes — there is very definitely life after Washington for Jeff Flake.

“It’s just like moving from Misses to Junior or Petite.  Is it scary — sure, you bet it is!  But it’s also very exciting,  too!  And once you take that first step, there’s no looking back!”