Congressman Retires To Resume Mac Daddy Pimp Business

VEN (DETROIT) —  With Muddy Waters  iconic blues standard I’m A Man blasting in the background, a triumphant  John Conyers returned to the Firelight Lounge in the Motor City Tuesday, to proclaim himself “Chron Dizzle Lumdizzle” of Detroit’s lucrative illicit sex trade.

blacks clapping“Ain’t got bitches like my bitches!” he yelled, pointing at his throng of supporters, who erupted in a deafening  chorus of cheers. “I got me some fly, skuxx tight-azz WAH-SHING-TON DC bitches.  Smooth as Remy.  Yo! This rohizzle be mackin’ the choongting honey’s!”

“Yo, J to the C!” someone yelled from the audience. “What’s crackalackin pimpalimpin?”

“What’s crackalackin?  Y’all wanna know what’s crackalackin? I tell you what’s crackalackin! Like Muddy say, all you pretty womens, jess stand in line,  I can make love to y’all babies, in ah hour’s time!  Yo DEE-TROIT!  The Notorious J 2 The C is BACK,  Muthaf***kas!”

John Conyers III celebrates his father’s homecoming in style!

Meanwhile, while the future-former Congressman is settling comfortably into private life, trouble is apparently brewing for the Conyers family,  as Mr Conyers son, J 2 The C 2 The 1-2-3 — whom the Congressman anointed as his successor — is being challenged by the Congressman’s grand-nephew,  The Notorious I.A.N. Conyers.

But as one anonymous Conyers insider told VEN, “Jess give dat punk-azz bitch IC some dat paper an he GONE!”

Developing . . . .